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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Who will cry when you cry

Have you ever thought and thought over something so much, that it hurt?
So much so ,that it leaves you staring at the ceiling wondering if you're on the verge of going insane.

Sometimes all you see is all pervading madness around you, even though its ironically just
confined to the realms of your head. You've tried looking at things with an open-mind so much so that you feel that your head's almost falling apart from all that open-ness.

You feel like you're losing it and are dying for some perspective.
Any perspective, as long as its not yours b'cos you've had too much of that and it kills you.
You start to act all clandestine hoping that someone picks up signals and listens to what you're not saying.
Sometimes that doesn't really work, so you try to reach out to you're friends and talk to them, ask them if you are losing it after all, without having them be all judgmental and think that you're on a one way trip to banana-land.

But it isn't all that easy finding a listener, is it?
Who do you confide in? Not all you're million friends are listeners. The difference between the both hits you like a bus on the road now. Problems in life aren't rare, so everyone may not be particularly generous in sympathizing with you. You don't blame them though- after all, to each his problem. You therefore start convincing yourself into not making a big deal out of this and just wait patiently till your head stops spinning. Which it doesn't.
So you just wait, for nothing actually.

Yet amidst all this, someone finds you- a friend, a not-so friend, a random guy who sat beside you on the white bench at the park, someone on your friend's list you haven't struck a conversation with, someone you don't know. Someone you have absolutely no pretensions with, someone who makes you just split wide open, someone you can just talk to- without the slightest iota fear or shame, someone who breaks the dam, someone who thinks and puts your perspective in place. Someone who's like a ray of light in that tunnel. Someone who listens.

Things that scared you all this while now start to make some sense, if not all, with a lil bit of help from someone. Any someone.
The clarity you missed all this while brings a smile to your face. You feel like its rained on your garden after years. You know that it is possible to share some things with some people and not end up feeling like a fool at the end of it.

And suddenly life doesn't seem all that bad. Life isnt really all that bad come to think of it.
Its all about finding someone though.












27 Confounded-souls had something to say:

gradwolf said...

Its all about finding someone though.

And to an extent, a blog does exactly that?

I am listening very intently, if you didn't notice. :)

SK said...

:--) Well written. Sometimes openning up to strangers, or accquaintances, who are not so close friends,makes a big difference.

And venting out in a blog does help.

Idling in Top Gear said...

ditto what gradwolf said.

I too started blogging because my mind was getting ready to implode and I needed to vent my thoughts. I knew that a good listener can understand my thoughts and offer perspective.

What follows might be utter psychobabble:

Oddly enough, for me, the person that offered this much sought perspective turned out to be none other than myself! I have a little theory. I think that the interesting thing about (at least my) mind is that it can not listen as well as speak at the same time - at least when the subject matter is sufficiently complex.

So, when one's thoughts just lie in his head, or flow through words when he is talking to someone, he is not truly listening to them because he is the speaker. However, when the same thoughts are written down and he reads them or recorded and he hears them (preferably a few days later so he doesn't know the exact order of the words), he becomes the listener. Only then does he truly understand the issue. Perhaps that's why people do things like make pro/con lists, graphs etc for themselves prior to making big decisions.

Anonymous said...

I am listening...
For long... I hvnt had a confidant...
Now, who is ur confidant...

-- Oops...!

Preeti said...

I would have to nod in agreement to everyone here...

Gradie cuz he's right...A blog juz does that...Whthr ur anonymous or not...u get sooo many people who dont know anything abt u but for that situation to help u outta it...

SK cuz yea...that someone, as u said, could be anyone random whom u juz feel like talkin to at that point...

Idling cuz that someone could be you and that would make the world of a difference...I alwayz alwayz feel that at times im by best companion (iv written abt it too) and i understand myself much better after iv written abt somethin...

And yea like all said, we r listenin...

Whatever it is will pass...dont u worry ur pretty lil head :)

The World may not cry with u when ur crying...but as long as noone is turnin their back away, thatz a good sign :)

Love u ok? Talk to me if u want ok? Or come, let's play with Monopoly :)

Preeti said...

That was one LOOONNG comment :-/ dint realise..were u listening??? :)

Ramkumar R. Aiyengar said...

:) sheetokshana... what was that? ;;)

Goda Ramkumar said...

I have gone through what you have described and it makes me feel that we got a common "someone" [:D]

Confounded-Lady said...

Wolfie:
Thank you thambee :) I think this blog has done more than what I could have done for myself then :)

SK:
You're absolutely right, its easier to open up to people who havent really known us that well all the while :)
A blog does help. A bit too public yes, but its does help :)

Idling top gear:
I think you spelled it out for us. Nothing like writing down all the mess thats inside your head and looking at it with your eyes...that does half the trick in bringing things to perspective I would think.
Just that you sometimes, you need some fresh perspective..thats where your fellow bloggers would come into the picture I would think :D

Oops:
You're a good chap :) :D

Confounded-Lady said...

Preets:
Yep it all boils down to finding the right people. You find them your lucky, sometimes you have a bunch of friends staring at you at your face but not one can ease you down :)

Love you preets...you ll always be my talk-buddy. Period. ONce I get m'self to catching up with you of course :D :D

Love your long comments...dont you dare think of shortening them >:D<

AiyengAr-vAl:
Ahem :D
Now where have I come across that before :D

Goda:
:D :D :D :D :D

Preeti said...

Even if u slept thru the comment, the positive side of me would take it that i put to sleep a nice girl...so id still go on :D im nuts!

And in that previous comment of mine, i really dno where the 'with' in Let's play with Monopoly came from...Cha! Idha dan nee typo nu soniyo? :)

Come down or up or whatever and let's catch up...I've had enough of askin! :P

Coconut Chutney said...

We're all ears mayth! :)

I'd write something philosophical and mushy but looks like this comment roll has more than its fair share of it. ;)

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

Everyone else here said whatever I wanted to say.

*sulks*

A non-judgemental-friend is a hard catch, truly. hard to find a 'someone' too. major co-incidence that you blogged bout this. I was thinkin along the same lines. :)

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

by the way, this was beautifully expressed. Take a bow. :)

wt said...

...and moi, listening as well! :)

*bear hug

Okie Dokie said...

Exactly! Thats why we blog:).


In any case I hope whatever is bothering you settles down.

mayth!! said...

@Preeth: (sorry for replying so late. I dont know why I dont respon. Actually I dont know why I m apologizing :|. Free :D)

I will talk to you in a non-blodding envoronment :D

@Busy Writer:
They are hard to find, arent they? :)
But sometimes we have them around..we just dont find them :)

@WT:
Awwww >:D<
Your the sweetest Wicket Taurus in the world :D

@OK:
Yeah :) I am konjum therlivu now. Its just a passing cloud I guess :|

wt said...

wohoo...thankoo!:) but where art thou??? :(

gradwolf said...

:w

write!

Hari said...

hey.. i have updated my blog..:)

preetam said...

We breathe in a world where each soul is evaluated. Yet scores of stuff, both good and bad transpire behind the veil. We all do it and we all know it. Regardless of how unwrapped you are, I feel ther is a face in every individual which is concealed.

Few attempt their best to bury and few end up showing. regardless of how deep you think u buried this side; it’s open to someONE. That someone can make a difference.

it's tough to find ppl who accept u the way ur..mmm..unconditional love, that wht we call??*

*conditions apply! ;)

Wanderlust said...

Of all the blogs that I missed in the last two months, you have posted the least!

Made reading easier ;-)

But you haven't posted for sometime now. Busy Bee?

Hakuna Matata said...

Have a glass of Lemon Tang. Trust me, works :D

Animated Junk said...

Its all about finding someone though

And like u hav said it takes years for the rain to fall on the garden

sumtimes isnt life all abt havin that sumone beside u
when u can fall bak with eyes closed knowin ther is sumone to hold u.

nice post from within

Mark IV said...

someone... SOME one... i should strike a better conversation with that tea shop guy... really..

root3

confounded-lady said...

@Wicked-Witer:
Just hibernating for the summer :d

@Gradwolf:
Sure :|

@preetham:
Few attempt their best to bury and few end up showing. regardless of how deep you think u buried this side; it’s open to someONE. That someone can make a difference.

True. Some attempt to bury it...but how long can they survive?

@wanderlust:
We all have our times :)Do keep visiting though :d

@hakunamatata:
Thank you:) I ll surely remember to try that one :)

@animated junk:
Indeed :) Thank you :)

@Vikram:
Mark mark mark! Where were you Mark?

umesh said...

wow..! so u are capable of spending 2 mins without crackin a joke.! Is this a first .???