Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Who will cry when you cry

Have you ever thought and thought over something so much, that it hurt?
So much so ,that it leaves you staring at the ceiling wondering if you're on the verge of going insane.

Sometimes all you see is all pervading madness around you, even though its ironically just
confined to the realms of your head. You've tried looking at things with an open-mind so much so that you feel that your head's almost falling apart from all that open-ness.

You feel like you're losing it and are dying for some perspective.
Any perspective, as long as its not yours b'cos you've had too much of that and it kills you.
You start to act all clandestine hoping that someone picks up signals and listens to what you're not saying.
Sometimes that doesn't really work, so you try to reach out to you're friends and talk to them, ask them if you are losing it after all, without having them be all judgmental and think that you're on a one way trip to banana-land.

But it isn't all that easy finding a listener, is it?
Who do you confide in? Not all you're million friends are listeners. The difference between the both hits you like a bus on the road now. Problems in life aren't rare, so everyone may not be particularly generous in sympathizing with you. You don't blame them though- after all, to each his problem. You therefore start convincing yourself into not making a big deal out of this and just wait patiently till your head stops spinning. Which it doesn't.
So you just wait, for nothing actually.

Yet amidst all this, someone finds you- a friend, a not-so friend, a random guy who sat beside you on the white bench at the park, someone on your friend's list you haven't struck a conversation with, someone you don't know. Someone you have absolutely no pretensions with, someone who makes you just split wide open, someone you can just talk to- without the slightest iota fear or shame, someone who breaks the dam, someone who thinks and puts your perspective in place. Someone who's like a ray of light in that tunnel. Someone who listens.

Things that scared you all this while now start to make some sense, if not all, with a lil bit of help from someone. Any someone.
The clarity you missed all this while brings a smile to your face. You feel like its rained on your garden after years. You know that it is possible to share some things with some people and not end up feeling like a fool at the end of it.

And suddenly life doesn't seem all that bad. Life isnt really all that bad come to think of it.
Its all about finding someone though.