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Monday, October 13, 2008

Lessons my Elders (didn't) teach me

Flushed with the success of conducting a grand TamBram wedding (if I may), all my parents have to now do is sit back and watch discerningly as to how their li'l girl survives her new life.

No, I don't really mean to make it sound like boarding school or rehabilitation, but marriage (or post-marriage to be more specific) is indeed a big deal for any Indian parent and an even bigger deal for any Indian parent's child. So, I am work in progress, every single minute of the day.
The thing with marriage *I go on to say in wisdomous tone, lowering spectacles so that it rests firmly on nose to give intellectual look* is that there are very many loopholes and..I'm afraid that there are somethings only experience can teach you.


For instance, they say that you ought to shed your ego, every ounce of it, when you're starting off a new relationship with your spouse. Heck every relationship can do well with little or no ego, but I'm restricting my insightful thoughts to marriage as for now, cos...everything now is about what I think about marriage isn't it?

Yes it is. That was just a rhetorical question.


So.
As I was saying, amongst all the precious pieces of advice the Elders from back home had given me, like smile, be nice, be friendly, be neat, be less finicky, don't frown, don't use chilly powder as weapon, don't be yourself, shop at Debenhams (just kidding), yada-yada-yada blah-blah, the most common words of wisdom I'd received was to shed my ego ( I travel with excess baggage, that's sometimes so not very nice) and be truthful if I didn't know something.

That is sane advice, yes I know. So before I leave to my husband's place, I resolutely practice my lines in front of the mirror, "Sorry, I don't know how to do that", "Sorry, I'm new at this, can you teach me?" or "No I've never made tea all my life..can you make your own tea for the first 10 years of our married life?"
See, that wasn't so difficult. Everything just needs a little practice. Even the non-ego part like the Elders said, can be conquered with just a little determination. Yay for me.
Or so I'd think.

But its not as easy as I thought it would be you know, this no-ego thing.

You see, humans have this inherent tendency to say 'I do' without even the slightest hesitation (if you're Ross Gellar, you're a pro and I'm not even talking about you).
Its not just the weddings, its everything else in normal life..in dealing with people, things, situations, especially when they're new... I've learnt that it takes a lot of courage and strong-will to say 'Nope, sorry, I really don't know how to'.

So the other day when V asked me if I know how to iron shirts, I say 'yes' so matter-of-factly like I was asked if I knew how to eat thayir-sadum.
I surprise me.
I mean, how good was I at ironing anyway?
Lets see..All my life my mom ironed my school-uniforms.
I'd ironed my Salwars to college, but that was just because I loved ironing over large flat surfaces, it made me feel nice. I never really cared how it looked even if it looked far more wrinklier after I was done with the iron-box.
Then there was always the ironing my clothes before packing, so that they'd fit perfectly into my suitcase. It was clearly another case of ironing out of desperation, so it didn't really matter whether they looked nice or not..as long as they fit neatly in a row.
Wait, there must be more.
Oh yes, I remember ironing my Appa's shirts before he'd leave for work.
I am now beginning to realise that he wore the shirts which I ironed to work without much of a grumble JUST to not hurt my feelings. No wonder he never removed his suit at work.... he'd get sacked if anyone saw how an Investment Banker dressed to work at this Bank!

So! Not even bothering to consider my promising past with the iron-box, I daintily trot to the iron-stand and pick up one of V's shirts that need ironing on my way.

I JUST then realise that I don't know where to start. I iron over the flat surfaces (and enjoy the good feeling like the 'ol salwar days), and stop at the sleeves. I really don't know where the crease ought to be. I mean, in a proper shirt where you go to work not expecting to get sacked the very next day for looking like rubbish.
Same with his trousers, where is the goddamn crease??? At the sides or at the front?

After ironing all the flat parts (something I can do as professionally now), I go up to V and tell him that my father was a good man for wearing what I ironed for him all these years.
V gets the picture, he's a fast learner.
I give my sheepish grin (another thing I can do quite professionally).
V irons his clothes to work for now..and makes his tea (for now). I love his tea.
I take care of the cooking, and the fire-alarms that go off during the process.

I'm yet to go up to him and ask him where the crease falls.

67 Confounded-souls had something to say:

Ramkumar R. Aiyengar said...

shtopeed google eating up my comments.. I shall thus end with this then :D

achicho! :D

Ram said...

So are you going to give V a name like Dear Hubby/DH, (used by SK) or, a Hubby Dear/HD, (used by Daisy)? Or, is it just going to be V?

P.S. And dint your elders not ask you to call V "yenna?" or something?

P.P.S. You just crossed over from Mayth akka to Mayth mami.

adi said...

You should start writing a book - Confounded in America.

Move over Opal Mehta. Maysree is here!

chutneycase said...

Lol! Your aathukaar is too awesome. :) And do you say yenna? :D tel no please please

maxdavinci said...

yennanga! yenna lol....

but then thats the adv of marrying a guy who has lived in the US. Since your roomate will not iron yor shirt you are forced to do it yourself!

satya said...

well .. what do i say, I guess this is the first place which strongly demands the real no-ego thing from a gal i think ?!?
Is tht true ?
I have a younger sis (cousin) .. As i see her, I realise, she peacefully talks back to parents - grand-parents .. school guy friends - not even a second thought that a sentence spoken with _period tone_ kinda hurts him ..
College, maan they really are free to talk the way they want ..

btw, V could just be waiting for u to go up to him and ask him about the crease or the tea .. ;)

kutti said...

ithukke ipdi :D innum kitchen chronicles aarambikkave illiye :p

Goda Ramkumar said...

I would say... "I understand!"

Bharani said...

still in roco bocota?....he he....couldn't type anything else...was so speechless at your sublime narration...i don't even want to comment on the content...che....sema flow of events and thoughts maami...

Confounded-Lady said...

AiyengarvAL: Achicho..can mean many things. Achicho, I've left the stove on in the kitchen, achicho..there is my bug on my left ear. Be more informative :D D:

Ram:
V will be very much V here. My anonymity bombed half way thru my blogging tenure..let me protect my husband's secret identity, I'm a loyal dutiful wife no?

P.S. Yenna lam kadeyaadu. What I'm not 1950's-ka drama artiste.

PPS. That will be Madam Mayth to you Mister. :P

PPPS. And Since when are you 'Ram' 'n all?

ADI:
You are my inspiration. I'll put you in the second page of my book...like TO Adi. And all the confounded ideas he gave.

ChutneyCase:
My aathukaarar is awesome :D No yenna-benna n all. Its just V. :D
And oh, mailed you the pics :) :)

MaxDvici:
I have a hunch you guys will keep your wives very happy.

Sathya:
I dunno, I think it really pays to have a heavy baggage (of ego that is) in college, just assures you of the fact that you wont be made a loser or a push over. Post-college, I'd think, is where you deal with bigger people, with bigger egos, you ought to start shedding a few feathers here if you wanna get your way thru.
Cha, I'm sounding like a shrink now :|

confounded-lady said...

Kutti:
Trust me, you DON'T wanna hear that. :P
Goda

Bharani:
Hey thanks pa :) Am glad you understood it :P

Goda:
You soon will :)

Nandini Vishwanath said...

You are doing good. Since they know it, they will do it ille?

Coming to think of it, I do not iron clothes either. I hate ironing :P

Preeti said...

Mail me the pics too :(

Do u know i was to come to the airport? But thanks to that nasty fall of mine, couldnt venture outta home...leave alone that late, or rather early...

I feel miserably miserable... :(

gradwolf said...

oh you know this capemari satya va...nice nice....iit-m connection i believe...hmmm

satya said...

ha ha .. @ confounded-lady.

and thanks for the compliment da @ gradwolf. *:-|*

Confounded-Lady said...

IIT-M yeah, know quite a few there.

My Dad used to hope he could say 'IIT-M, ah yes! My daughter studied there. Now she's in the US doing rocket science' or some such.

Digress there.

Capmari-a?:O
Babe more like it no? :D

Confounded-Lady said...

Nandini:
We're birds of a feather. We flock together and not iron together :D :D

Preets:
I've been meaning to talk to you, aana it was one whirl of a time before I left...why you didnt come for wedding? :( I was looking for you :| Cheri, free :D
Airport a? Aaaha....I cant imagine what a shocker that would have u been..serisouly! :).its ok ma :) I'm as surprised now as I would have been that day now that you mention it, and I feel great :) Ok this is turning out to be like a mail :|

Will mail you...pplease take care of foot for me.. we need you prancing around the city like ol times in no time :D *mmmuah* :')

gradwolf said...

errr, this is satya from iit-m, who passed out of ncsu last december and now in san jose, right?

avandhane? if yes, how is the infiniti!?

Confounded-Lady said...

on Babe's behalf cos I happen to be beside my comp now..(and for the last 4.5 hours): Yes avanae thaan. But please, call me Babe.

adi said...

babe ah?

adhulan ennaku theriyadhu..all i know is he has the tendency to call 8th std kids babe.... :p

enough damage...capemari because that was the only word i could use without ****ing...

Confounded-Lady said...

Calling 8th standard kids babe-a?

AiyengArvAL, care to clarify a few things?

satya said...

isstop damage.
I demand to know who this baggar gradwolf is?

[i wasnt the one who started to use baed words in ur blog]

adi said...

machi, no tension, check your scraps ! lol..

Confounded-Lady said...

Hey dont you guys dare take this offline.

I'm following this you know :P

Ramkumar R. Aiyengar said...

err.. was i called? ;;)

lol.. this is getting to be fun :)) babe.. he is from the same place as you (atleast sometime back) and you are bulbing.. :P

Ramkumar R. Aiyengar said...

and gradwolf.. there shall be one babe, and only one babe! don't blaspheme! :D

satya said...

AAga .. indha group thaana adhu - shoiti shoiti enga ponaalum yaaravadhu vandhu damage panraanga pa.

andha group-la gradwolf yaaru pa ?

satya said...

enna oru enthu - to listen to damage @ confounded lady. X(

Thaangal naandraaga vaazhga.

Ramkumar R. Aiyengar said...

dei babe.. you seriously think she needs this comment log to get to know about you? :P

gradwolf said...

adhan poi scraps paaru solren la!

lol...whats this babe analogy again, mr. ramkumar? :p

Confounded-Lady said...

@Sathya: Aiyo no :D No no :D
No evil intentions I swear. Sorry for damage (if any caused by me)
:D

Ramkumar R. Aiyengar said...

babe.. is not an analogy.. its a representation of babishness.. and babishness is axiomatic and fundamental.. no more questions! :D

satya said...

machi .. plz no more damage here.
oore sandhi sirikidhu @ gundu.

gradwolf - nee yaaru-nu theriyum da.
unaku aapu iruku.

sthitapragnya said...

LOL! LOL! Poor V!
When I was 6 or 7, an iron box gave me a hot steamy kiss on my palm when I tried to meddle with it. That put me away from iron-boxes for a long time until I came to engg. I tried getting over my terror of iron-boxes by trying to iron one of my fave shirts. But ended up burning a huge iron-box shaped hole in it near the stomach area and melted a couple of buttons, which effectively ruined both my shirt and the iron-box! I thus relegated the job to my mom or dhobi when needed, but never touched an iron-box myself. Now, I live by myself and there are no dhobis or moms in the US. That should pretty much explain how my clothes look now! :P

Anonymous said...

Madam.. Learn soon.. U needto train some one right behind ! in a couple of months .!

- Oops.!

Solitaire said...

Haha!!! V is smart!! You are smarter!

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

Next time you go to the grocery store, get a packet of 'Dry Cleaner's Secret'. Works like a charm, and will get major brownie points - maybe even tea in bed. :p

varsha said...

lol youd better ask where the crease is now.

WT said...

tea? why no davara kapi? :O

vidhya said...

Lucky you :)

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