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Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Friday, May 16, 2008

Mom, don't click that.

I've always been weary of my mom knowing her way around the Internet. Not that I had any problems with her snooping around my desktop or my folders which are an in-house for all those love-letters I got during my school and college days*, its just that I've always thought that the Internet was a pretty un-safe place for the likes of my mom who is perpetually intrigued by its nuances and hops from one site to another on a continual basis.

We've come a long way, my mom's love for the Internet and I. She was a fast learner right from the beginning, as in right from the day I taught her how to hold the mouse and convinced her that she wasn't going to get anywhere useful unless she looked at the monitor and not at her right hand on the mouse. Did I mention fast learner? Funny.
But yes she's evolved enormously. She now chats with my chithis and perimas using smileys 'n all with such enviable ease :O (albeit the typos *straight-face*)
Now that's my mom! You go gurl!! :D

However, whats irked me of late is a new friendship request she accepted, unintentionally. His name is Aneesh Gopee and I haven't the faintest idea how he chanced upon my Mom's Yahoo! ID that too when herYahoo! ID is predominantly known to maamis only, with an average age 56.5 (there you go, clean stats). I don't think I can fetch the right words to describe her contacts amongst the maami circle. The popular joke at home is 'Are you maami? Mylapore a?? Srinivasar Kovil a? Besh..Thats nice. What did you say your email ID was ?' :P

So coming back to the anonymous franseep request, considering that Aneesh is not maami and neither is he 55, I was starting to get really disturbed to see his ID in my mom's friend's list. When I asked my mom what on earth she was thinking when she accepted his request, I get a classic 'Therila di.....I was trying to close the window and get it done with, so I kept clicking on finish'.
Classic reply indeed :P

He's apparently seen my mom online today and asked her her age and whether she was a doctor or something. Talk about class pickup lines :P I was there with my mom when that message popped up.I don't remember the conversation following that cos I was extremely busy rolling over the floor laughing, but my mom happened to very neatly convince him that she was a doctor. She stopped typing after he started asking questions of course, but I've had my laughter quotient for today.
For this week actually.

I cant wait till she goes online tomorrow...or I could perhaps fill in for her?
Now there's a thought.

I don't know...Life's been the least bit boring of late.

* Last I heard that my mom visits this blog regularly. I was just kidding about the love-letters ma, you didn't have to faint for that. Please get up now... you still have to teach me how to make malai-kofta *colon-pipe*

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Shady, Very Shady

Ok..so how different is my life now anyway?
Not very, really.
Except for the 'Neeya??!!? Kalyanam aa?? Bwahahahahaha ' reaction I seem to be receiving from my friends time and again (@friends :P), everything is peach normal.

Lets see now. Recent excitement contributed by mad mad shop-hopping which has made me all the more gleeful and happy. Nothing like seeing money float in the air (a bit creepy when its your money though). But you know, I never thought that shopping could leave me so pooped at the end of the day that I was too tired to even life my feet off the ground….To lie down of course (what were you thinking?)

A few interesting lessons shopping with family has taught me.


1. Enlightenment #1.
Sarees look gorgeous in shops. Gorgeous with a capital Gee. They're meant to.
But it's a different thing 'looking' gorgeous in them. When you're 153 centimetres short tall, a saree around you sometimes looks like a quilt wrapped around a pencil, or an eraser for that matter. Sad I know. But my family members are always supportive and diplomatic. And I go ahead with buying the most gorgeous ones in the shop anyway without the slightest bit of remorse.


2. Enlightenment #2.
My addiction to pink is a potential embarrassment to family. Being lured towards all the pinks in the saree section, ok understandable. But constantly groping the pink shirts in the men's section??
You think I have a problem??
Yeah, join the club. I need help. And how!
Ideas perhaps, anyone?


3. Enlightenment #3
Must confront conflicting choices regarding breathtaking colours in saree shop.
Not a wise move to ask person-at-saree-section 'Inda saree nannarikuma, ilati iduva?'
(Translate: This one will look nice..or this one?)
He will say, 'Rendumae edthukonga, wonga colour-ku wo-ho-nnum irikum'
(Translate: Take both ma, they both suit your complextion'
Yeah right, like we're gonna fall for that one. Ha! *conceited smirk*
I'm sure we can choose between Jyothika-Pinks and MS (MSubhalakshmi)- Blues on our own thank you very much.

Right, so where does all this leave me now?
Well, I'm still tired. And hungry. And yes, a bit tired too (wait did I mention that already?)
Ok, before you think I'm drunk too, I'm gonna make a dignified exit, lift my legs with both my hands, lie down on bed and crash.

I do, after all, deserve tonight's sleep don't I?

:D

Yours shopping-ly,

Confounded-Lady

Foot-note: Oh btw, we ended up taking both the above mentioned colours at the end of the day. Yes, these shop-keepers are a nasty influence on us gullible juntha. But what to do? Both colours were stunning. So much for complexion, flattery and all that jazz.

:D

Friday, October 26, 2007

The Way of Dude-ism

*Its been long since I last blogged. A month to be precise and that's the longest hiatus I've given. I actually do have tonnes of reasons for not being able to blog, read and comment(the complete ritual of a blogger) ,but lets just leave that for some other time. Nevertheless, I'm thrilled you bothered to turn up just the same and read me again. (Actually I'm jumping so high out of glee that I just bumped my head. Wait did I just hear the ceiling crack?) *


Of late I've been relentlessly struggling NOT to suffix or prefix everything I say with the word 'Dude'. No, not food, not doodh...you heard me right, 'dude' ( and to think you always thought that you had weird neighbours).

I admit it does sound stupid, might make me sound like a desperate wannabe from an arbit 1980's American movie. Yeah. Nevertheless, I just can’t seem to fathom why this sudden obsession over the word.
Why dude. Why now.

There was this time in the early 2000's where the semi-hit movie 'Dude, Where's my Car' turned out to be a cult amongst the wannabe-so-cool youth. Dude had then become a word no sentence could do without.

““Dude, where’s my eraser?”
“Ouch, you stepped on my toe, Dude.”
"That is soo cool, dude"

Yeah, we were young and oh-so-hep back then. Then we all grew up .
Well at least some of us did.

And now, its all coming back to me. This time with more feeling.
I’m bitten by the dude-bug all over again and this time, it’s a more of a corporate and matured way of dude-ism.

“Dude, mail the boss and ‘cc’ me.”
“Dude, I’ll be there for the conference call at 7. Count on it”
“Dude, there’s a bug in my tea”
“Dude! Damn!”

Now, with the ‘D’ word being thrown here,there, everywhere, every time, my teammates weren’t particularly comfortable with that, initially.

Ravi was my team's 'dude'(pun intended, maybe) thanks to Yours Truly's fabulous-yet-weird name-keeping skills and of course not to mention, annoying fixation over the word d*de. For quite some time, I saw him rebel relentlessly to do away with the D word.
This innocuous title bestowed upon Ravi stuck on to him over due course of time where he soon became the well acknowledged dude of my team, whether he liked it or not. The ‘ol boy just had to relent.

I mean, initially it was like:

Me (frantically) : Dude!!!!!!! The mainframes are gonna crash…. We'll be hunted down like goats for an explanation and then sacked..and then our families will be stranded in the middle of no where, and it will all be because of this stooped command we issued. We're dead meat dude. We are so dead. Dude!!!!!!! Are you listening??????

Ravi/Dude (Chewing gum): Yeah. Don’t call me Dude.

Me (contorted face): WTF!

And nowadays, its like..

Me(frantically): Dude..!!! Storage says they don't have enough volumes to bring up the system…I’m out of gum…The systems are gonna crash…We'll be hunted down like rabbits (or was it goats?)…Our families will suffer…We'll be devastated and it will all be because of…

Ravi/Dude: Chill dudette. 'Dude' 's got it all under control here. And, did you just say we’re out of gum?

Me(for different reasons): WTF!

So, you see, over a period of time, people have learnt to respond amicably to dude-ism without much of a smirk. Its now a become a way of living. Now who would have thunk eh?

Well, like I always say (well not 'always', but yeah sue me) that’s just how the cookie crumbles. Dude-ism is here to stay and no one in my team could/can stop it. But just to be a bit fair, I’m fighting real hard trying not to start every scrap/mail/chat-session/sentence with dude. But with dudes and dudettes like my teammates who have so warmly welcomed the way of dud-ism into my team (despite Ravi-dude’s relentless efforts), I don’t think I should really try so hard.

Dudes and dudettes are here to stay.

Now isn’t that real groovy?
:D

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Of shrewd mothers, presumptious daughters and two louts in between.

The more I think about it, the more I find it quite funny being uncharacteristically tongue-tied infront of a 9 year old kid and watch her deftly rag us when we ‘attempted’ to do the same.
Ragging will never be the same for me, whether from the ragger’s end or the receiver’s end.
The phrase ‘Putting my foot where my mouth is’ has never ever made more sense than it does now.

My parents wanted to go to Thiruvendipuram for the weekend for some sort of ritual/pilgrimage and I wasn’t particularly thrilled when they forced me to tag along first thing Saturday morning.
Not that I have anything against the hundreds of rituals we Hindus perform on practically any and every day of the year (with due respect to their respective reasons of course), but what triggers the intolerance in me is when they require migration or any activity of that sort on a Saturday morning. Saturday mornings are for hibernation, just for hibernation and nothing BUT hibernation. But then again, who listens to me.
I thus move on.

My cousin Rema had also volunteered to accompany us, thankfully for me. So, that kept me from whining and complaining all along our way to the Aashram. It was a 6 hour journey in our Ambassador. I didn’t compromise on the hibernation-part ..even if it meant leaning and dribbling over my mommy’s shoulder on our way there.

After visiting a few temples nearby and having a sumptuous Iyengar-type dinner in the Aashram with some 30 other people within the community whom we hardly knew yet smiled at for reasons which are still unknown to yours truly, Rema and I sat down on the steps outside and watched all the oldies retire for the day.

It was 8pm and the whole village was asleep. There could be a bomb blast and yet people wouldn’t notice.

All of a sudden a girl comes prancing down the steps, hopping merrily on the road.
This girl reminded me of….well, I’m not ashamed to say it but..me, when I was a kid. She was perhaps the plumpiest kid in the face of the Earth and she was our meat tonight.

“Hey ponnae! Romba Azhaga irikae won dress…. Won paer enna? (Translated to: Hey girl! Your dress is very cute… Whats your name?) “

“Thanks. Solla maataen” (Sollamataen=I won’t tell you)

(Sensing that we were dealing with a smart-alec) “Sollamaten? What a cute name. That’s a nice name you have there Sollamaaten. Is that what they call you at school Sollamaataen ”

(Defensively) “Noooooo..Sollamaataen is not my name.”

“Then what is your name?”

“Sollamaataen!”

“Precisely what we’re calling you, kid”

“ But that’s not my name. And I’m not going to tell you my name. So there.”

On saying this, she comes and sits beside us on the steps.

Now this was beginning to seem like fun. I mean, any other normal kid would have walked just right past us into the Ashram or ignored us all the way. Most of the other kids did just that..but not this one.

It was around 9:30 pm now…it was Saturday night…we had no telly, no music, and most of the lights in the street where out..And just when we’d lost all hope on how we were going to survive the early night, here we had an incredibly chubby, plumpy entertaining, over confident kid who refused to give in.

“This is indeed a very cute dress Sollamaataen. Where did you buy this?”
This was Rema trying to start a conversation.

“Hyderbad”

“Oh”

“I dance.”

“Eh?”

“I dance. I learn dance”

Wow. That was quick.
I mean here we were, trying to break the ice and socialize the cordial way or to be more precise, the ‘corporate’ way, asking her her name, complimenting her on her oversized flashy chumkee-chimkee dress, while Miss. Chubby here was more interested in giving us the bigger details.

“You do eh? How nice! What dance do you learn?”
Us sounding genuinely interested.

“I learn Bharatnatyam” Like every second kid in South India.

Ok..so how many jathis have you learnt? Have you learnt all the adavus and jathis till Allaripu?”
Ok, This was me, trying to flaunt the very little dance I could remember from my younger days.

“You know dance?” Kid, Incredulously.

“Yes I do” Correction, ‘did’ .

“Don’t lie ok-va? I learn from Lakshmipriya Miss.”

“Who’s Lakshmipriya-miss?"

“My miss” Saying it like she were Queen of England or something.

"Ohhh!!! Lakshmipriya-va? Of course! We remember her....We only taught her dance”
This was uttered in unison by the both of us, Rema and I, the diabolical cousins we are.

“You taught Lakshmipriya Miss?” Voice sounding incredibly surprised.

Yes we did. We taught her everything we could. But poor child, she wasn’t a very bright student. That’s why she’s still teaching despite learning dance for sooo many years”. Rema was unstoppable now.

Lakshmipriya-Miss is 22 years old”. Boy, this kid was shrewd.

‘Only’ 22 years old? See what too much of dialogue can get you into?

“Oh? Well…there have been dancers who have achieved much more at that young age” This was me trying to back Rema up.

“You mean Sheela-miss? ”

“Who’s Sheela-Miss?”

“Sheela-miss is Lakhsmipriya-Miss’s miss”.

And the plot thickens.

“ Oh Sheela-miss a? Ah, I remember her! Yes, she was an extremely bright student. One of a kind. They don’t make ‘em students like her these days”.
I was trying my best to make all this seem plausible to the 8 year old kid.

“You know Sheela-miss?”
Kid’s eyes widened like space-saucers from space.

“ Know her?? She is what she is because of us. We put her up on the map. You go and ask Sheela if she knows ‘Maythini Sridharan’ and she’ll tell you of the sacred relationship we share. Go and ask her tomorrow itself at dance-class, ok-va? ”
Ok, I was trying a bit TOO hard.
And, I was beginning to get the ok-va slang from Miss. Chubby. Kids! Geez!

Sheela-miss isn’t in India. She’s in the U.S. running a dance school”
This was said very matter-of-factly by kid.
I was losing all weapons of defence.


Rema to my rescue. “She left without telling us?? Maythini, after all you’ve done for Sheela-miss, just see how she’s absconded without the slightest indication. Dancers these days, cha!”

“ I know, Rema. Cha! I am very upset now.” Trying to fake a hurt-look.

Kid tries to cheer up the not-so-diabolical twins by changing the topic.

“So…Are you running a school anywhere?”
Kid now fishing for more details from the not-so-diabolical cousins.

“Oh yes certainly. “

“Don’t lie, ok-va?”

“We aren’t lying ok-va!” I was sounding a bit desperate now.

Kid waits patiently as one of us makes the story up as we go along.

“We run a school in Australia and Bostwana. We’re doing very well in northern parts of Australia (heavens forbid she opens up a map and discovers a desert all over) and also in Bostwana (clueless of which part of the world the place may be in). The problem with opening up a school in London is that there is a lot of racial-discrimination there and also oflate a lot of political disturbances. You know how these English people are, don’t you? They’re never gonna send their kids for dance lessons once they know that a guy from our country is bombing up their place. So we preferred not to expand towards Europe, and decided to just settle with our success in Australia and Botswana.”

All this to an 8 year old kid with a flashy chumkee-chumkee dress.
Like they say, if you can’t convince them, confuse them.

“ Oh, ok. But Sheela-miss is doing very well ” Kid is still smitten by Sheela-miss.

Hell with your Sheela-miss I felt like saying. But all I could think of is “ I can only be too glad for her. She’ll contact me if she needs to learn some more dance the next time she comes to India”

Just when we were going to switch topics to a much more ‘safer’ one, a woman comes down the stairs calling out for Rajalakshmi.

In a split second, Sollamaten-dearie jumps up and shrieks, “Amma! They know Sheela-miss”.

Ok… firstly, Sollamaten’s name is Rajalakshmi eh? Well, that’s a lot of help.

And secondly… Now, we have your mom in this mess???
What the *@#*$@!

Mommy-dear looks at 2 pretty girls clad in a sari with the most skeptical of looks.
You know Sheela-miss, do you? Which Sheela-miss?”

We’re both silent like we were caught cheating in an exam.
Rema. Not a sound from her.
Me. “ Well….Sheela-miss..the one who….who…..”
And we both burst out laughing.
And we were laughing and laughing.

Kid pointed her index finger at us and was chirping, “ I knew it all along. I knew it alllll along. I knew you guys were bluffing. I was just waiting for my mom to get here”.

Guess kid wasn’t that dumb after all.

Mommy-dear wasn’t ready to forgive our sinful act. Stern, teacher-amma look all over her face.

“So..where are you girls coming from?”

“Madras” Both of us spoke in unision.

Ok. My daughter really learns dance” The word ‘really’ stressed with a bit of emphasis.
“ We’re looking for a good teacher now, because our Rajalakshmi is very very talented”.

Sure she is.

I was now trying to cover up the seemingly sinful act of deceiving young Rajalakshmi for which Mommy-dear was still glaring at us.
Well why don’t put her in a good school? I travelled all the way from Nangannaloor to Kotturpuram (some 20 kilometres) for dance-classes.”
I was now giving my 2-cents worth advice.

Mommy-dear now fires. “You learnt dance?”
History sure does repeat itself.

“Yes, aunty I did”.

“Which school?”

“The Dhananjayans.”

The Dhananjayans? You learnt from the Dhananjayans?”
She looked as though wouldn’t have believed me even if I said that cows moo and pigs oink.
She gives her child a crafty smile and moves her right hand in a circular motion to indicate that what I was saying was ‘reel’.

“Noooo”. This was me now.
I really 'did' learn from the Dhananjayans school. Srilatha Vinod is my miss’s name. I was her student. Honest to god ”.

Ok now, I was sounding really desperate.
But this was the truth. And mommy-ji and chubby-ji were reluctant to believe me.

Rema and I tried to indulge in some other polite form of small talk. But aunty-ji didn’t budge. She still had that ‘you-tried-to-fool-my-daughter..MY-DAUGHTER’ look on her face.

We knew that mommy-dear was inconsolable. So we politely said our good-bye as fast as we could and tried to bail out without a trace.


I think about it now..and still wonder what went wrong where. We had everything under control while Rema and I worked with such unity in concocting crap instantly. But still we felt like losers in the end.

Kids these days. And their moms.
Gotta lot to learn.
But its not fun.....being stuck in the middle of one shrewd mom and a presumptious kid.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Go Figure!

Lets see..

5 Jumbo Jangiris/Jilebees
(Courtesy: Surya Sweets, Mylapore)
2 Raj kachoris
2 fat Samosas
1/2 packet of mixture (the other half being devoured by yours truly the previous day itself)
1 big Mango
3 Vaazhapazhams (Bananas for the un-informed in Tamil)
1 packet of Top Ramens Smoodles
1 Packet of Krishna Potato cheeps

...All this in addition to the customary 'Rasam' and Curd rice with vendakkai-poriyal ; A combination I can't do without before hitting the sack.


Well...if you're still here and haven't fainted yet, you could read this too.

Today, most evidently, I had a diet any model would die for (or actually, die with).
What model, most of my friends would crave for this sooper combination of food-items considering that some of them have really transformed into Divine-Goddesses ever since we got out of college...all this while I'm radically turning into a plump-kush-ball.
They all have the will-power. And I don't.
No,actually its the other way round....I have all the will power to gorge in all the food I set my eyes upon ...while tragically, my friends don't.
(slight call for SOS here!)

Off late, I've been forced to confront this insatiable urge of mine that makes me devour anything I can lay my hands on and this activity of eating like theres no tomorrow, is performed by me with such elan you know...absolutely no guilt, no remorse...no prudence over the dire repercussions I have to face once all that I've gorged in, has turned into un-digested (or digested...whatever!) fat which gets deposited in all the unwanted places (not like there are many wanted places...but I'm not getting into all that).

The fact that I'm unable to refrain from thulping in everything I see (well..almost everything, I most conveniently happen to stay away from healthy food. damn!) doesn't really seem disturb me as much as the fact that I am un-perturbed by my over-indulgence.

Too complex a sentence? Lets re-word it.

The very fact that I'm shamelessly un-perturbed by my herculean appetite, perturbs me and I seriously don't know what I ought to do about it. I'm always hungry. Period.

Do scientists have a cure for hunger?
'Well,of course you nitwit....food', you might say.
But isn't that my problem in the first place?
Too much food?
Aren't we back to where we started?

hmm...ok,I don't intend to publicize my problems over the internet (yeah right..thats what this blog was for, anyway). To his own, each problem (That would have sounded much better in Latin.Ignorance..hmph! )

Anyways, I'm working on it.
Well, ok...its not really a nerve-wrecking problem 'n all, when benchmarked with poverty in Somalia, venal Governments, Global Warming, and unmarried girls in my family .... one or two words of wisdom and encouragement will do ;)

Until then, all I can say to myself is..


Goooooooooo Figure!!


Sunday, June 10, 2007

You know that its just NOT your Sunday at the Movies when...

1.You plan for an exciting meetup at Sathyam expecting some 15 people; where only 7 turn up.

2. You rush like a maniac across the roads of Chennai and park your vandi outside the theatre gate just to get there on time; only to discover that your quite early than expected.

3. Watching a movie turns out to be a visually tiring experience leaving you feeling as though you've faught a battle against the Pirates from the movie.

4. You spend half your time gaping at the screen wondering what the hell in going on out there; and the rest of the time waiting for the pop-corn to arrive.

5. You've been dumped with a life-supply of pop-corn and what easily seems to be one-litre of ice-cold Coke which you struggle to drive down your throat throughout the movie; only in vain.

6. You've sat through the movie for 180 minutes and you still don't know what the movie's all about.

7. You leave the theatre just to find that your vandi has been towed by the Chennai Police; on the grounds of parking in a non-parking area.

8.
Your friends accompany you in travelling another 2 kms to get to the Police station to demand for your vandi because your the rightful owner (hell, yeah!).

9. You pay up and eventually don't get a receipt. Ahem.:D

10. You decide to cross the road and park at Spencer's Plaza with Vikram, Shyamz and Surosa...for a blissful sandwhich at Sub-ways and a good stroll at Landmark.

11. You think to yourslef,

"Aaaaah....all in a day's work.
Shouldn't all Sundays be as invigorating as this?"
:P

Sunday, June 3, 2007

My Helmet's Redemption

...Our Government has finally done it.

The Law now has it that car-drivers not not strapping their belts (Aww...don't give me any crap about trouser/pant-ka-belt funny-guy..Tamil-Nadu Policemen aren't THAT dumb.THere! No legal hassles attached) and two-wheeler drivers driving without a helmet, will be caught and prosecuted.

Bwahahahahaha...(Evil laughter)

hmm....Lets see...this new Law-thingy does insinuate a few things.

Ayy) I hunt down that big-fat-ugly-red helmet of mine from the cob-web laddened archives of my house (despite learning a lesson the hard way ) and put it out for a while in the sun, to make it more head-friendly (and more spider not-so-friendly)

Bee) My mom takes our car to the garage to fix all the belts in the car even the ones at the back,so that they..come, when pulled (the very way well-behaved belts should behave)

See) Now this is something I'm not so sure about. Should pillion riders be donning a helmet too? I'm quite concerned because I always have someone or the other behind me everytime I ride my vandi.


Well, if yes, I'd very happily share mine..but I don't intend on getting prosecuted in the near future,thank you very much. And for some wicked reason I don't intend on investing on another big-fat-red thing;even if its for you, darling.
So, that brings us to a point of uncertainty in Point#See.

But ...hey, there is a good chance that we don't get caught for my pillion-rider-not-donning-a-helmet.
I'm quite fast on the roads and I could just Vrooooom! past the pot-bellied men-in-white.
My pillion riders love me! :)
(I can say what I want...Its my blog!)

But I'm not getting all jumpy and thrilled by that optimistic-notion because the probability that we're gonna get caught on the road with me maneuvering my loyal blue 2-stroke vandi for reasons apart from you not donning a helmet, is tragically quite large.

So either way you 'n I are meat, sweetie!
(that still brings us to a point of uncertainty in Point#See)


Never mind..

At this moment when early cab drivers,lack of good sleep, unfinished documents,an mp3 player that needs fixing and an impending Quality Audit at work ,are issues to be considered, 'Point#See' doesn't really gain top priority in my things-to-worry-about list.


There!
Well...whadya know? This country IS getting better after all...'n I'm so proud of it.
Now, if only the idea of a ban on auto-drivers' reckless driving could sink in.

(But who listens to me! Bah!)

;)

Thursday, May 31, 2007

To Crib or Not to Crib..

Corporate life and its very overwhelming side-effects (plenty, on which I shall elaborate in detail later..if you haven't had enough of it so far, that is) have been one of the prime factors of inspiration (if not the only) for the genesis of my blog.

You know... I've read blogs on politics,societal hypocracy,college pressure, family knots,patriotism and some on improving your culinary skills too and all these blogs would be really enticing and not to mention, insightful.

I'd always wonder what I would blog on bearing in mind the multifarious topics that will interest both me and a common reader so that one day an arbit reader would exclaim out loud.. 'Ah good blog! I should definitely come back and learn more.'

But try as I might, I am exceedingly incapable of refraining from centring my blogs around the common-denominator, 'Work'.
And it doesnt stop with that..

From work, springs more work...which leads to pressure...which brings us to tension...taking us to dissatisfaction, and eventually my most favourite comfort-zone, 'cribbing'

Ah, cribbing!
Now don't you uncategorically dismiss this act as a trite activity.
Judgemental you!
hmph!!

Convincing and captivating cribbing comes only with practice and how convincingly you enthrall your sympathizing audience depends on how well you've mastered this art (and of course the sort of people you're subjected to at work...but thats just a tag added-on for humour. Or is it?)

I for one am the indeclared Mistress of Cribbing. Why, in fact, 'crib' is my middle name (after whining, fusspot, and lazy-bum of course)

And you know what?
Cribbing is contagious too. In a fun sort'ov way.

How?
Well...picture this...you wouldn't want your life to sound all mega 'peachy' over the phone when your poor friend's stuck at work with absurd timings, a crappy home...with crappy roomates...with an abominable boss..not to mention the miserable pay she might be getting.

So what can you do?
You can't undo her crappy life-style...No siree!
But what you can do, is make your life sound a little less chirpy...just trying to make your friend feel better, if not good.
So you do an itsy-witsy bit of cribbing in front of your depraved friend.
Like a harmless drink in front of your boss.
No harm after all.
Its not going to change anything anyway.

Thats harmless, steadfast and unadulterated cribbing for you. :)

The problem only rises when this becomes a habit and when you blame all your problems on one soul reason.
This is whats called 'uncool' cribbing
That is when you need an urgent metamorphosis on your outlook on life, in general.

hmmm....so much for uncalled-for philosphy-preaching.
(Please dont hate me for this)

So...will my blogs be worthwhile and constructive henceforth??

umm.... Next kosteen please :D


A forward I accidentally happened to read. Somethink to think about.
Always..


Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man. Even the plush comfort of the air-
conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express could not cool his frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to air travel.
It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the adminperson, it was the savings in time.
As PM, he had so many things to do.

He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.

"Are you from the software industry sir," the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop.

Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.

"You people have brought so much advancement to the country sir. Today everything is getting computerized."

"Thanks," smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look.

He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stocky like a sportsman. He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.

"You people always amaze me," the man continued, "You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside."

Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naivety demanded reasoning not anger. "It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it." For a moment, he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single statement. "It is complex, very complex."

"It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid," came the reply.

This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence came into his so far affable, persuasive tone.

"Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in.Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office does not mean our brows do not sweat.
You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing."

He had the man where he wanted him and it was time to drive home the point.

"Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centres across the country. Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrency; data integrity, locking, data security. Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?"


The man was stuck with amazement, like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination. "You design and code such things."

"I used to," Vivek paused for effect, "But now I am the Project Manager,"

"Oh!" sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, "so your life is easy now."

It was like being told the fire was better than the frying pan. The man had to be given a feel of the heat.

"Oh come on, does life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings more work. Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality. To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end always changing his requirements, the user wanting something else and your boss always expecting you to have finished it yesterday."


Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with self- realisation. What he had said, was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth. "My friend," he concluded triumphantly, "you don't know what it is to be in the line of fire."

The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization.
When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek.


"I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire," He was staring blankly as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time.

"There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night. The enemy was firing from the top. There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom. In the morning when we finally hoisted the tricolour at the top only 4 of us were alive."


"You are a..."

"I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a land assignment. But tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier. On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker. It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety."
"But my captain refused me permission and went ahead himself. He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded."


"His own personal safety came last, always and every time. He was killed as he shielded that soldier into the bunker. Every morning now, as I stand guard I can see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me. I know sir, I know what it is to be in the line of fire."

Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of his reply. Abruptly he switched off the laptop. It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a word document in the presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a daily part of life; a valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes.


The train slowed down as it pulled into the station and Subedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight.

"It was nice meeting you sir."

Vivek fumbled with the handshake. This hand had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tricolour. Suddenly as if by impulse,he stood at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute.
It was the least he felt he could do for the country.


PS: The incident he narrates during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight.
For this and his various other acts of bravery he was awarded the Param
Vir Chakra the nation's highest military award.

Live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

A Sip of Coffee for the Beginners' Soul

I was stuck in a meeting this morning with some angr(ej)y folks at work and the amount of continuous yada-yada-yada blah-blah-blah I was subjected to, is just inexplicable.
It was past my lunchtime and this meeting just never seemed to end.

I was beginning to feel hungry...and restless...and fidgety....and agitated...and jumpy, and irritated to say the least 'coz my tummy was now making funny noises and let me tell you, you don't want to be within a 10 metre radius from me when my tummy is no longer under my control.

I was desperate. I'd keep eyeing the door waiting for a miracle to happen.. like for instance, someone coming through the door with lunch on a tray or the bell ringing signalling that all activity ought to stop.
(Bell???? At work?? Anyone having the feeling I skipped college and joined work straight away from school??)

Just when I was I beginning to lose all hope a fellow enters the Conference Room with a tray.
Prayers answered!
Talk about wishful thinkin...Boy, that was quick!

But wait...a tray...with cups?
Tea??
At 01:30 pm in the afternoon???
Who, in his/her right senses would serve TEA in the afternoon?????!?!?!?!?!?!!?

Fine whatever....I gazed hopefully at that tray while it was gracefully but friggin slowly taking its turn round the table.

I grab that cup when I get the chance.
Sip...lick....mmmmmmmm

No...more like...gulp...lick..gulp...gulp...gulp...mmmmm...(burp)

That drink was well deserving...Big smile on face.
But wait..this wasnt tea....this was...wait..its like something I've never tasted before.

Coffee.
Coffee....It was Coffee!

By George!

I drank my first cup of coffee ever, unknowingly that too....shattering all my ancient apprehensions on caffeine, throwing my prejudice against poor-'ol-coffee out the window.


And, you know what?
It didn't taste all that bad.

Think I'll give this drink a try once in a while.
(I'm still loyal to milk and tea though)

Anyways.....
Well...whaddya know....looks like coffee,most definitely, is my cup of tea after all:)

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Lets Talk About Making an Impression

Funny what you put yourself through JUST to make a good impression.
Even funnier how things blow up on your face at the end of the day.
Life, Bah!

Picture this, my boss asks me to send one of those neat meeting invites you can create in Microsoft Outlook for a meeting over the phone, to brief me on some Client-Fundas I ought to be aware of, and in turn enlighten my team.


So ,Friday evening, the excited me fixes up a decent meeting-invite (first time you know.. )all properly worded and stuff, keeping in mind the time-zone-complexity involved in this entire scene.

Meeting for 1 hour.
11:30 am, afternoon, on Sunday.My time
2 am. His time.

Comfy for both my boss and me.He doesn’t sleep early on weekends.. he said so himself.

Nice, meeting invite accepted also.
Done.
Not bad na?

So, Saturday afternoon, I ask myself if I have to do some reading-shmeeding, just to go over the company’s policies, so that I don’t sound like a complete jerk on Sunday’s meeting.

Its all about making an impression, remember?

Its Saturday evening, and I haven’t yet bothered to read through any of the relevant pdfs in my mailbox.
Bah…Procrastination!!
Oh well, its probably genetic by now.

Saturday night.
Will not be smitten by the procrastination-bug.
Will-power.
That’s the spirit.
I read all the pdfs in my mailbox…so that I can smartly say… 'Yes Boss, I know that…Oh yes, that too' :P


Fine…apart from that, the least I can do is get a decent note-pad and a pen..that writes (That combination is a luxury in my house…trust me). And to make the call even more convenient on my side, I hunt for my long-lost earphones, so that I don’t have to tilt my head during the entirety of the call.

The checklist before I hit the sack that night….infrastructure, all set.
I’ve told my grandparents not to summon me and make me run any errands for them from 11:30 hours- 13:00 hours.
Rite, done.

Yep all set.
Am I prepared for a meeting or what!!

Sunday morning.

Yawn….stretch….yawn yawn..

Lets look at the clock....
AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

Meeting with boss!!!!!!!!!!!
Frantic hunt for cell under the sheets….missed calls.
Missed calls!!!


Christ…I just slept through a supposed-to-be-meeting with my boss!!!!!!

As if things weren’t ‘great’ enough at work!!!

(Don’t believe me? Check the post downstairs )

I sit on my bed…...and think.
And think.

Any more smart ways to make a good impression??

Friday, May 4, 2007

Its a 'Crazy' night out there

Night!

You know, these timings sort of bring out the worst in you. No wonder God programmed all of us to sleep through this time entirely and wake up when the world is devoid of darkness.
Boy….we have one hellova focused fellow up in the skies, I tell you.

Not an axiom I’m coming up with, but with the exasperating experience I’ve had over the past 4 weeks, I think I’m entitled to form my share of judgment.

Night…There are only 3 things you can, ought to and should be doing at this time.
Sleeping……Studying… and thirdly ,well..I’ll leave that to your imagination (ahem..)But I seriously don’t think ‘work’ ought to come anywhere near this list.

People are like the skies…they turn their shades in the absence of the sun.

Wait, did I say people??

I don’t wish to make a universal statement on the global juntha. I’m not that old-and-wise to comment on Human Behaviour ‘n all.
But comment on myself…yes that I can do very well.
I’m beginning to understand myself better every day….Or, every night.
(Night shifts remember? :D)

Let the unit of measurement of Human-Tension, for this discussion, be….say, Litres.
(Might sound crazy but do bear with me..)

If the average tension level of Yours Truly, on a normal working day, be 40 litres..
Night shifts bring up my tension level to a whooping un-precedented 400 litres.

Profound self assessment over the past few weeks has lead to the final conclusion ….. that, I’m unimaginable crazy under pressure.

The funny part of all this is that…my poor project mate is having to bear the brunt of my flaky temper and eccentric idiosyncrasies.

I end up losing my cool and screaming at him every other day…and also shamelessly apologizing every other day.
Crazy crazy cycle this is .
Amazing patience this fellow has… man!!!!!!!!!


Today, …we had quite a lot of documentation to do. It was around 2:30 am….’n we still had miles left…when I totally lost it..and screamed at this Mr. Fellow for not helping me with the doc’n . This shameless act of loose temper was followed by the customary goofy apology I deliver with great ease. This time with more style and élan.

Our crazy crazy conversation goes something like
this…
(Anyone here feeling that I’m using the word ‘crazy’ more often than not )

Oh well..Koi baat nai…read on


(I walk up to this fellow’s seat)

ME: Ravi..
RAVI(eyes anticipating havoc): Ab Kya?
ME: I’m….I’m….sorry .
RAVI(Non-chalant look): Ya, I know
ME(with over-whelming guilt ): Hey..lots of documents…all unfinished business… all drove me visibly insane.
RAVI(sarcastically): Really? I didn’t notice.
ME(detecting the tint of sarcasm):Ya, Whatever. We’re ok na? Not angry or anything na?
RAVI: Ya ya..go go..do your documentation.
ME(alarmed at his shameless reply yet grateful for not being mistaken ): Ya ok..

And I go on to do documentation at some goddamn time at the middle of the night…while Mr. Fellow, is doing some non-documentation work.

That’s what I call style man.
(Or ishtyle… whatever :D)

Now I sit at home…in front of the lappy, at 5:30 am typing this mail…. Asking myself ….is life, or more specific, work, worth all that tension…and all that apology???

Really…..like what Sahil (my friend,philosopher 'n guide) says…all our problems, in a broader perspective, disintegrate to be minute atoms in the Solar System called Life… So why bother ??
We just have to remember that …In the end, it doesn’t really matter.
(Copyright: Linkin Park)

So…Tension Kai ko lene ka?



Helmets are a girl's best friend

Hi Logon!


(The bulk of juntha who read the first line as log-on, please take a long coffee break, come back and start all over again)

Hi Ppl...

I love my helmet!

Hope you guys are doing splendidly well this fine Friday morning!
Bet you hundred bucks that half of you readers spent at least 11 seconds this morning, on your way to work, marvelling at how fast the last one week has sped by, and how last Friday just seemed like....a few days back.
Well...Thats 'Corporate Life ' for you.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Amen to that.

I, for one, have actually stopped cribbing about my life. Cool na?
I mean....me, the goddess of complaints...NOT even bothering to make my life sound more crappier than someone else's ...wow, indeed a transformation, I might add.

Well lets just put it this way...
Splendrous architectural ambience,ravenous appetite, delicious food, money in the wallet, jovial team-mates, friendly boss, so-far-interesting job (touch wood), decent project, good pay (yeah rite!!), and enthusiastic 'ol me.....
All this sums up to form an ambitious and explosive combination.
Yeah....Thats what YOU might think...but..hehe.....I've STILL found some reasons to crib. ;)
Lets just hope that the light at the end of this tunnel is goddamn bright. ;)
More about my reason-to-crib in my next mail. (Yes, there's more where this came from)


Right....Just a few days back..... I was sitting on my living-room sofa with my legs crossed and eyes gazing at the ceiling (Legs crossed on a sofa...yes,I know I'm weird), and thinking to my-esteemed-self ...
' Ah, Life is stagnant. Stagnant indeed! You need some thrill Maythini ...Something out-of-the-blue....Something that would make you say, Oh yes....That day, god!! Remarkable! I'll never forget that day!! '

hmm....Funny how life ' misinterprets ' what you mean, in the most inexplicable of ways.
How?
Wait....I shall explain.

(I still love my helmet though)

Yesterday,after a good day at work, and a quick conversation with Takloo, I was riding my Scooty home...speeding quite a bit, unable to curtail my excitement to see my father who'd just come home on a 2 week vacation.
( Okay..not speeding a bit, quite a lot actually. 65km/hr is quite a speed for a poor two-stroke engine, called Scooty's Engine, to bear)

Nevertheless...I was just approaching my abode... When I spot a huge garbage bin at the centre of the road.

Let me quickly describe what these blessed 'Garbage bins' in Madras look like.....They are huge, unattractive, stinky, 3 feet high, 2 feet broad and 2 feet long... dark green in colour (which makes them look practically invisible at night time) and last but definitely not the least, a necessary evil.

Ok...My mind took a microsecond to register the presence of the garbage bin ahead and the fact that it was far too opaque for my Scooty to just drive through...So I make a sudden jolt to the left, to circumvent the obstacle.

But to my surprise what do I see on the road....Oil !!!
Yes, oil!
Oil spilt all over the place!!!!!

Ahhhh.....So THATs why the garbage bin was placed on the road as an obstacle...To act as a speed-braker, for people who might skid on the oil that was spilt in front of the bin.

Ah, the irony of late realisation!
Too late!

The oil had already done its job....and my Scooty skid majjjjorly with me on top of it. (Picture Hrithik Roshan in the former half of Kaho Naa Pyar Hai...Its always nice to have a dramatic effect in a story thats being narrated)

I fall..my bag falls, myScooty falls...bigggg scary fall !! People come running....blah-blah-blah!
Had bruises allover..but head, untouched, depite falling head first on the road.
My big fat ugly helmet had saved me.
Helmet saved me.
Helmet helmet helmet!!
God bless my helmet.

Helmet helmet helmet......You're something I wont forget...!!
(Think I'll compose a song and dedicate it to this incredible piece of plastic...or metal....or whatever!! )

So...How am I going to conclude this piece of blah-blah?


ONE: Be careful what you wish for. I did get my memorable day after all...But with a sadistic sort of thrill at the end...which, at the end of the day, DID make me say....Ah! That day...I will never forget! (For all the wrong reasons)

:D

TWO : Always love thy helmet.

:)