Whats up Doc

Evil-Doctor (ED) sticking evil- laser down poor-me 's throat:

ED: Say 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaa'

Me (mouth wide open): 'aaaeeee'

ED: Say 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaa'

Me (with more conviction but not quite): 'aaee'

ED: No, say 'aaaaaaaaaaaa'

Me(almost close to tears): 'aaee'

Am suddenly reminded of Henry Higgins from My Fair Lady where he'd eat Eliza Dolittle 's brains forcing her to get her 'ayyy' s and 'aaai's right. Frankly, am rather disturbed that I cant enunciate 'aaaa' with precision just like the doc has instructed me to, but with him pulling my toungue out and a nurse pulling the corners of my mouth side-ways for an endoscopy (dont picture that please), I realize that the only possible vowel that can be uttered at this point is 'ae'.
So, enough already.

ED(looking at TV which supposedly screens the insides of throat): Hmmm.. your vocal chords asdfasn sdfgdfg kasdfadsf gdfgdfgafg (something in medicine-language which I couldn't comprehend of course). Think you've over-strained them.
(Right..that should explain why I've been sounding like a frog for the last 1 week)

Worried-mommy: So....now what?

ED: Just have these for a week and get back. And oh yes, did I mention absolutely no talking for the next 5 days?

Me (aghast): What the...

Suddenly-not-so-worried-mommy: You mean she's not supposed to talk...at all?

Very ED: Yes, thats the minimum period she'll have rest to allow her throat to heal.

Me (touching mouth to see if its in place after agonizing session with evil-doc and evil-nurse): Can we go home now mommy?


So, now that I've been sentenced to a 5-day tenure of 'mounavrath', the only form of allowable communication is the scribe and paper. But if that means having to write every single word I wish to utter, I fancy just keeping my gob shut and not say anything at all...which is exactly what I'm doing now. (*sob*)
The house seems a lot quieter now and I'm sure the entire neighborhood must seem so too, considering all the yelling and debating my mom 'n I are depriving it of.

My dad keeps forgetting that I can't talk and whats worse is that he just doesn't seem to understand any of my sign-languages. I had to do a mini-dance show to convey that we had to get back to the Doc's after 5 days.
Like, I'd stick my hand out to convey 5 as in 5 days and he'd be like.. 'Stop? But what do you want me to stop?' :P

Oh well.
1 down.
4 more to go.

Sigh....

Yaaawn...*stretch*....But mommy, I don't wanna go to work today.

Ah, the good old days when I was paid heed to.
*Sigh!*

Just One Bag

Current status: Packing

YOU: Oh? Then what are you doing 'here' if you're currently packing? And packing?
Where're you going, for Pete's Sake?

ME :Well... I'm off to the Land of Opportunities..the Land of undiluted Glitz and Glamour, the land of the Bold...and not to mention, the extremely Beautiful....the Land that has all the filth and dirt, and also the strength to clean up the same (quite literally)...

YOU (incredulously): Don't tell me..!! Your going to LA.... Holy mother of God..really????

ME (smug smile): Naah.....I'm off ta Mumbai.


(Maaaaaa...Help...some one's after me with a frying pan..!)


Ok. I'll really tell you what I'm up to.
I'm going to Bombay for a 3 day trip. Its all happened so quickly and I'm fluttering with extreme excitement. (excuse me while I do I mini-dance here)

Now Bombay to me is not just any city. For confirmed Madrasis like me who envision themselves to live, breed and die in Madras, Bombay is like Hollywood; the land of glamour and sparkle. Considering my pre-conceived notions about this place, expectations are currently sky high and I'm soooo gonna make a conscious effort not to fall in love with the place that makes news every single day or every other day.

I called up my dad 3 days ago and told him about my impending jaunt for the weekend.
Reason for this impetuous plan ? Simple... no particular reason at all.
Just to meet some dear friends there.
My father doesn't know how to react and I feel sorry for not being able to view his expression at that point of time. Thats OK, cos I know what he looks like when he's majjorly flummoxed.
Oh yeah, 've been there...done that.
But anyways...He's fine with it...not without few words of wisdom of course:

"Child, its a 2 day affair. Please don't pack the way you normally do. Pack light and pack sensibly."

blah-blah-blah.... The way you normally do.. blah-blah-blah ..

I'm in a dilemma as to WHAT to put in quotes from the above statement...is it the 'normally' or the 'you' ? I mean, that line is plain euphemism for 'Dear, you screw up always. This time sweetie.. dont.'

I have my pride (no, really) and hence, I've resolved to carry one bag.

Just one bag.
If I travel alone, I travel in style.

A very neat and simple affair. I mean, how hard can it be? Packing 3 days stuff into 1 bag. Come one...its not rocket-science! To think that I'm even blogging on this.

I pack with a tune in my lips and a smile on my face.
Yea rite..I wish! I'm frantically rummaging through my wardrobe which is presently screaming out loud for its well deserved summer-cleanup.
Oh Lord...I'm desperate...Where's a decent bag when you need one!

After 20 minutes of searching and throwing some forty odd pieces of clothing on the floor... Finally...a 'BAG'!!
Ah-ha! Lets see... Its in one piece..it has a strap with no loose ends..and the best part, a zipper that hasn't yet fallen off....Ah, am I blessed or am I blessed!

NOW current status: Packing

Ok..Everything nicely packed into my small, blue and please note , 'single' bag. I'm all set...quite impressive if I do say so myself.
My bag looks like an overstuffed Turkey for Thanksgiving, but hey, protocol read 'Just one bag'...and am I the protocol-girl or what!

Awritey then..I'm movin outta here to Bombay..See you later.... but wait, whats this lying under my oversized-excuse for a bag?
Crap! Its my pair of JEANS!! Damn, I've forgotten to pack my jeans.
I'm not leaving without my jeans..no way!

(Detecting the skepticle look on your face) Whats that I hear you say...?
Why am I fretting over my *jeans* like it were some master-piece by Prada?

Well...yes I know, its just another pair of jeans. But I have my reasons. Let me explain why I'm not leaving without my jeans. I (and in all probability, you too) have nothing better to do while I'm still stuck here with Miss. Over-Stuffed-Turkey and a lonely pair of jeans...so, hear me out.

Reason 1: Firstly, I'm going to Bombay honey, not Anna University.

Reason2: These jeans are the only saving grace of my otherwise loser-wardrobe which I have not the time to re-vamp...and its these few loyal garments like this pair of jeans that leave me with some scrap of dignity at a social get-together these days .

There!!

So I'm tearing open this 'Turkey' and stuffing a pair of jeans into her whether she likes it or not.
*Grunt...puff...Grunt*
This zipper sure is stubborn. Fine...I've stuffed my jeans in successfu....*Snap*..uh-oh!

Christ....Nooooooooooo! Zip in hand!
My bag is now split wide open to almost a mile..and is now tragically zipper-less. Friggin detached-zipper!!
I have a flight to catch straight away from work... and I'm still looking for a bag with a decent zip.
Could ANYONE even be more helpless? (in Chandler-like tone)


Concluding points of action:

1. Will not panic.
   
2. Pick up phone, dial the 'friendly-neighbours' next door;

"Hello, Aunty? Mayth here...I was wondering if you had a bag......with a zip....."

:D

Go Figure!

Lets see..

5 Jumbo Jangiris/Jilebees (Courtesy: Surya Sweets, Mylapore)
2 Raj kachoris
2 fat Samosas
1/2 packet of mixture (the other half being devoured by yours truly the previous day itself)
1 big Mango
3 Vaazhapazhams (Bananas for the un-informed in Tamil)
1 packet of Top Ramens Smoodles
1 Packet of Krishna Potato cheeps

...All this in addition to the customary 'Rasam' and Curd rice with vendakkai-poriyal ; A combination I can't do without before hitting the sack.


Well...if you're still here and haven't fainted yet, you could read this too.

Today, most evidently, I had a diet any model would die for (or actually, die with).
What model, most of my friends would crave for this sooper combination of food-items considering that some of them have really transformed into Divine-Goddesses ever since we got out of college...all this while I'm radically turning into a plump-kush-ball.
They all have the will-power. And I don't.
No,actually its the other way round....I have all the will power to gorge in all the food I set my eyes upon ...while tragically, my friends don't.
(slight call for SOS here!)

Off late, I've been forced to confront this insatiable urge of mine that makes me devour anything I can lay my hands on and this activity of eating like theres no tomorrow, is performed by me with such elan you know...absolutely no guilt, no remorse...no prudence over the dire repercussions I have to face once all that I've gorged in, has turned into un-digested (or digested...whatever!) fat which gets deposited in all the unwanted places (not like there are many wanted places...but I'm not getting into all that).

The fact that I'm unable to refrain from thulping in everything I see (well..almost everything, I most conveniently happen to stay away from healthy food. damn!) doesn't really seem disturb me as much as the fact that I am un-perturbed by my over-indulgence.

Too complex a sentence? Lets re-word it.

The very fact that I'm shamelessly un-perturbed by my herculean appetite, perturbs me and I seriously don't know what I ought to do about it. I'm always hungry. Period.

Do scientists have a cure for hunger?
'Well,of course you nitwit....food', you might say.
But isn't that my problem in the first place?
Too much food?
Aren't we back to where we started?

hmm...ok,I don't intend to publicize my problems over the internet (yeah right..thats what this blog was for, anyway). To his own, each problem (That would have sounded much better in Latin.Ignorance..hmph! )

Anyways, I'm working on it.
Well, ok...its not really a nerve-wrecking problem 'n all, when benchmarked with poverty in Somalia, venal Governments, Global Warming, and unmarried girls in my family .... one or two words of wisdom and encouragement will do ;)

Until then, all I can say to myself is..

Goooooooooo Figure!!

Ah...

...My first 15-hour day at work.

Am I on fire or what!

:P