The After-math, the Cook-book and Me

Retrospection on a profound level leads me to the conclusion that I was never really a home-girl.
I've always deplored the word house-wife, even the very way the term was coined 'h-o-u-s-e' 'w-i-f-e'. I mean, lets face it...what in heavens name did you wish you convey by the word house-wife? That you were a wife at home? Weren't you his wife outside the house? Eew.

Yeneways, kutti digress there.
As a kid who was perpetually hyper and restless (excepting for the times when I was asleep where I'd look like a mad- driver-woman on Prozac). I always had something to do solely because the very thought of being bored scared me out of my wits as I always associated 'boredom' to 'loneliness'. So, despite being the only kid to my parents which always saddened me..(still does to a certain extent which is why I resolve to get busy in the near future in order to prevent history from repeating itself :D) I made sure that I never banked on my house or my parents for solace...I'd explore the neighbouring streets on my bicycle, go out on walks on my own, make friends with the watchmen and gardeners in our locality.. whatever it took to get me out of the house, even if it meant knocking on random people's doors and asking them, ingratiatingly, if I could play with their kids if they had any.
It was sad you know, that parents sent their 6 year olds to Hindi tuition. I think I learned more Hindi chatting with the watchmen and gardeners.

With such a manipulated state of mind that made me believe that one had a life only if it were outside the house, I grew up sympathizing all women who were house-wives, including my very dear granny and Mom. I'd ask my Mom time and again in the kitchen how they did it... How could one not go out, know places, meet people, get paid, get bankrupt, get into fights, get out of fights (the last two clauses were offered in copious amounts in our house..living with me is no joke mind you) how could you just be busy at home?'
I mean...with with due respect to what all the woman folk go through to keep a family running hale and healthy, how could you work, at home?? Wouldn't these 4 walls drive you plain mad?'

My Mom would just smile and ask me to switch on the exhaust fan on my way out.

A home-maker's job is no joke, I'm told, although I never try to understand the gravity of that statement more so because I know that the home-maker is never really..'me'.
I cant disagree with the fact that all of us are here, healthy and successful (to a certain extent at least) only because some woman/women in the house chose to care and see if we had food on the table and in our boxes everyday.

So as I pack my suitcases to a whole new world at the other side of the globe with a chunk of my stuff comprising of shiny non-stick vessels and brand new cook-books (the cook-book saga..ah! This surely deserves a post dedicated to itself), I still wonder to myself if I can map a vessel to its utility or turn the pages of Tarla Dalal's Continental Food Book without falling asleep looking at the picture on the front cover itself.

My colleagues from work will surely have fun reading this. They know.

Who will cry when you cry

Have you ever thought and thought over something so much, that it hurt?
So much so ,that it leaves you staring at the ceiling wondering if you're on the verge of going insane.

Sometimes all you see is all pervading madness around you, even though its ironically just
confined to the realms of your head. You've tried looking at things with an open-mind so much so that you feel that your head's almost falling apart from all that open-ness.

You feel like you're losing it and are dying for some perspective.
Any perspective, as long as its not yours b'cos you've had too much of that and it kills you.
You start to act all clandestine hoping that someone picks up signals and listens to what you're not saying.
Sometimes that doesn't really work, so you try to reach out to you're friends and talk to them, ask them if you are losing it after all, without having them be all judgmental and think that you're on a one way trip to banana-land.

But it isn't all that easy finding a listener, is it?
Who do you confide in? Not all you're million friends are listeners. The difference between the both hits you like a bus on the road now. Problems in life aren't rare, so everyone may not be particularly generous in sympathizing with you. You don't blame them though- after all, to each his problem. You therefore start convincing yourself into not making a big deal out of this and just wait patiently till your head stops spinning. Which it doesn't.
So you just wait, for nothing actually.

Yet amidst all this, someone finds you- a friend, a not-so friend, a random guy who sat beside you on the white bench at the park, someone on your friend's list you haven't struck a conversation with, someone you don't know. Someone you have absolutely no pretensions with, someone who makes you just split wide open, someone you can just talk to- without the slightest iota fear or shame, someone who breaks the dam, someone who thinks and puts your perspective in place. Someone who's like a ray of light in that tunnel. Someone who listens.

Things that scared you all this while now start to make some sense, if not all, with a lil bit of help from someone. Any someone.
The clarity you missed all this while brings a smile to your face. You feel like its rained on your garden after years. You know that it is possible to share some things with some people and not end up feeling like a fool at the end of it.

And suddenly life doesn't seem all that bad. Life isnt really all that bad come to think of it.
Its all about finding someone though.

My Mate..

...would be someone who could sit beside me and listen to Tu-bin-bataye a thousand times... and love it more 'n more with each time .

Now tell me…

Am I weird just because I sit on my office-chair with my legs crossed ?

Am I pretentious just because I prefer the Queen’s Language to any other?

Am I confused just because my blog says so?

Am I unromantic just because I’m not in love?

Am I content just because I’m not ruthless?

Am I a narcissist just because I love myself?

Am I egoistic just because I think I can?

Am I a spoilt-brat just because I’m the only kid?

Am I a push-over just because I’m accomodative?

Am I aggressive just because I want to get my work done ?

Am I your friend just because I tolerate you?

Am I callous just because I don’t tell my dear ones how much I love them?

Am I cruel just because I have no control over my temper?

Am I a sissy just because I like pink?

Am I selfish just because I don’t wish to share my make up?

Am I vain just because I’m obsessed with my kajal and mascara?

Am I a nice person just because I let you have all the paneer from my dinner plate?

Am I a snob just because I don’t make the first move?

Am I meek just because I don’t rebel?

Am I self-centred just because I don’t volunteer to do your work?

Am I asking for too much when I want some time for myself?

Am I lazy just because I demand a sound 10 hour sleep?

Am I indifferent just because I don’t remember my best friends’ birthdays?

Am I stupid just because I don’t get things instantly?
(Don’t answer that, thank you very much)

Am I jobless just because I put this post up?

Are you, just because you’re reading this?


So many questions…so little time..
Life is unfair.

But Tell me…So what?

I'm learning...

I dunno.
Life, over the last few weeks has become unexpectedly hectic and overwhelmingly flustering.
Thanks to the work-factor I’m a part of, I’m able to keep the insanity in my life live ‘n kickin .
(Goooooo WORK!)

Lets see… lots of deadlines sprouting up, lots of tension in the air, lots of planning, lots of talking, lots of midnight tea, lots of strategy making, lots of strategy re-making, topped with lots of timely goof-ups, lots of laughter, lots of tempers flashing about, lots of frustration, lots of cursing (:D), lots more laughter, lots more midnight tea……….
Yep, quite a lot I’m seeing here with my naïve inexperienced eyes.

The team of ten I spend an average of almost 60 hours a week with, is the most heterogeneous and amajjingly bindaas kind of team…. and can be quite a handful to deal with when I'm tensed and under pressure (which is like…always)

Every day is a new day (well duhh..) but I've come to learn that you don’t always start on a clean slate. You do carry some baggage on to the next day, whether you like it or not.
So I’ve learnt to play it cool….chill, sit back and watch the fun (purely figurative mind you. Can’t afford otherwise)



Something makes me think of this song at this moment.

I'm sittin' here in the boring room
It's just another rainy sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time, I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around, I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast, I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and I wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning, turning around
And all that I can see is just another lemon tree

I'm sittin' here, I miss the power
I'd like to go out, taking a shower
But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired, put myself into bed
But nothing ever happens, and I wonder

Isolation, is not good for me
Isolation, I don't want to sit on the lemon tree

I'm stepping around in the desert of joy
Maybe anyhow I get another toy
And everything will happen, and you wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky
And all that I can see is just another lemon tree
I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning, turning, turning, turning, turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree
And I wonder, wonder

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky
And all that I can see, and all that I can see
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree..

Fools Garden



I’m work-under-progress.
I’m learning.
It slow and crappy.

But I'm liking it..
:D

A Song for the Heart

The radio played Anne’s Song a few days back.
Its been more than a decade since I’ve listened to this song and I’d almost totally forgotten what it was like to listen to the most romantic song ever (not that I have a single romantic bone in my body but still)

I remember having listened to this song over ‘n over again some 14 years ago till I could sing it in my sleep (and also till the tape got stuck in our old fashioned tape-recorder which had be thrown out by my disgruntled mother who was disappointed that her 1980’s-ka tape-recorder didn’t last another decade or two.)

There are few songs that please your ears and even fewer songs that go an extra mile in making you a happy person.

Have you ever felt the need to listen to some songs over and over and over again…because of the tantalizing effect they have on you; Some songs which haven’t really been played anywhere in ages, but make you sit back and allow yourself to bask in those abandoned and disremembered tunes the moment the blessed radio or the doordarshan plays them one fine day;
Or some songs,where all you have to do is just listen to them once…and you can feel your heart smile from inside.

Music in its varied forms has always captivated me and I say this at the risk of sounding clichéd. But I, like everyone else, have a set of songs that mean more to me than just rhyming words and addictive tunes.

Paradoxical as it may sound, I don’t have any if these tracks in my lappy or my new Ipod (what better place to flaunt it than here) save one or two of them thanks to the bulk of the population that’s gaga over KK’s voice.
(that would ideally include me by the way)



My hitlist (in no particular order mind you) for eternity would be thus and will never ever be subject to change.

(Well, that’s what I always say :P)

1. Blowing in the Wind - Bob Dylan
2. Hari Tum Haro – M.S. Subhalakshmi
3. Anne’s Song - John Denver
4. The Boxer - Simon ‘n Garfunkel
5. I am a Rock - Simon ‘n Garfunkel
6. Jane Vaalon Zara -Dosti
7. Scarborough Fair - Simon ‘n Garfunkel
8. Yesterday - The Beetles
9. Vanchathonuna set to Raag Karnaranjani-sung by T.N.Seshagopalan
10. Tu hi Meri shad hai
11. Enda Mutho-By Saint Thyagaraja set to Raag Bindumalini sung by T.N.Seshagopalan
(Actually all songs by TNS but I’ll restrain myself from giving too many details)



Now will yours truly, at least now, take some efforts in loading some if not all of her favourite songs into her lappy?

Well…

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

- Bob Dylan

Yes sir...Thats me!

Hi , welcome to my blog.

You're permitted to do some extraneous browsing while reading this cos this is my first blog and I cant promise you any nail-biting excitement. Not yet at least.
A wee bit bout me.

I did my schooling in Padma Seshadri Bala Bhavan and passed out of College of Engineering Guindy, Anna University.
I have nothing more to say about this college than what has already been said by my friends and seniors.Please don't believe a word they say.
My college rocks!
End of story.

I do like making new friends (contrary to the image I portray otherwise) but I'm afraid I cherish only a few of them. Very few of them.

I crib a lot. 'A Lot' would ideally be an understatement here.
I know that life isn't all that bad. But cribbing makes it better.

I like rainy days especially when they're a good alibi for no work. Heck...I love rainy days!

I like pink. This blog was originally pink but due to popular demand (or readers threatening to file a complaint against me for trying to impair their vision) I had to transform its theme into my next best colour, green. It wont stay this way for long I tell you.

Listening to 'Anne's Song' by Denver and 'Scarborough Fair' by Simon-Garfunkel with my eyes closed is Nirvana to me.

I'm extremely loyal to my blue Scooty and any insult to that frail 2-stroke vaahanam will not be tolerated.

I'm highly unstable. Or maybe I'm not.
Wait..Hang on a sec, I'll get back to you on this one.

I love curd rice.Any of its derivatives would make me a happy girl at the table. Period.

90% of my friends would declare that I'm a confirmed extrovert.I'd prefer to agree with the 10%.

Pink really is a very nice colour. I really think the juntha should give it a chance.

I'm weird.
Yes.
But please do close the door behind you.

I hate coming into work where no one says hi.
Its not really protocol to say hi or anything, but comeon.. its just a hi.
How impoverished would that one word leave you?


I'm grateful to my parents for not contemplating adoption when I became quite unbearable. Parenting is not that easy my mommy tells me. I pretend like I don't know why.

I think of my friends 24/7. I cant comment on that being mutual though.

I like my Fridays like everybody else. Planning for the weekend sure stirs up some excitement in me, but I hate admitting that all our plans blow up on our face.

I don't really adore animals. They're cute and shouldn't be harmed 'n all, but thats it.
Does that make me a bad person?

I always remind myself I'm not doing what I should be doing..or worse, what I want to be doing. It takes a lot of courage to do what you want to in life.
I haven't the courage, yet.

Pink looks great on women. Just like blue on men. Don't disparage this colour anymore. Thank you very much.

Sometimes swearing does lift all the smoke from inside you. Its like having a bubble-bath after a long weary day. Its just #%^#$%^@ when your mom's beside you and asks you to repeat what you just said.

I'm me.
Just another blogger.
Just another girl.
Just another person.
Just another brick on the wall.
Thats what I keep reminding myself from time to time.


Take care...and always thank the lord for the roof above your head.
Ciao!