Come and Gone...Just like that...

Dear Diary,

I'd promised to fill your pages up religiously as a part of last year's resolution, but since even the most serious of resolutions blew up royally on my face, I don't think I even owe you an explanation for this one. Nevertheless, I'm coming back to do the honours for the grand finale this year and today being the last day of the last month n all I'm certainly not giving you any promises on any regular entries for 08.
've been there. Done that.

I thought that my journey down friendship-lane would be over once I was out of college and that I'd have to confront things far more serious and significant than friends and frolic. But '07 proved to be just the opposite. It introduced to the craziest set of ppl at work and outside of it who made work worthwhile. For some reason I never thought I'd even smile after college, but I eventually ended up laughing my guts out everyday at work because of these people. I'm grateful, for Satsang.

I joined my first company and I quit it too. A lot to handle in one year huh?
'07 taught me that it was ok to accept defeat and ask for help shamelessly. Work does do things to your self-esteem especially when you're in the learning stage, but I learnt that it was ok to give in and ask for help. Especially when we accidentally screw up the Client's Mainframes.
For the far more interesting (and equally humiliating:P) details, contact Ravi.
I have grown a lot and I'm grateful. For maturity.

I realised that I was passionate about something so much, so badly that I was willing to quit the job I started to like. '07 taught me that life's not about taking the right decisions; its about being confident whatever your decision may be. I just hope '08 will help reinforce that point into my system. Its an inspiring thought but its a tough one to percolate. I'm grateful nevertheless. For hope and ambition.

My preconceived notions on Madras being the be-all and end all place was shattered when I went to Bombay and realised that there were after all, other places I had to see...had to visit and had to experience. I was wrong about Madras being the best place in the world. But I still want to live and die here for this is my home. Period. I'm grateful, for home.

I discovered a part of me that could write. I wont claim that I write sense... but yes, I do write. It really isnt much, but for the numerous blogs and fabulous bloggers it has introduced me to, I'm grateful.

I've always had more reasons than I should to NOT keep in touch with some friends I'd met over the year. I suck at keeping in touch with my loved ones, unfortunately. The lazy bum I am, I'm surprised people still talk to me these days without any resentment. But '07 introduced me to people who don't necessarily expect a call to call you back and talk to you. Its been a year and we're surprisingly still going strong - despite being scattered ALL over the country and despite my crappy disposition. I just hope they don't give up on me one fine day.
For them, I'm grateful.

Its a long post. For those of you who are still reading, I'm all the more grateful. :D

I'm just thinking now.. '07 was nothing, absolutely nothing I'd expected it to be and I just hope '08 is a far more splendrous one. I know it will be.

I wish all my readers a fabulous year ahead. This blog is nothing without them all (the very limited readers this blog entices but still :D). I wish them nothing less than the best....along with World-Peace and Social-Harmony of course.......*controlling tears of joy*
(Can I have that diamond-studded crown now please?)

:D

Listening to this for the zillionth time and feeling optimistic all over. Songs, I tell you. :P

Happy New Year folks!

Confounded-Lady

The Way of Dude-ism

*Its been long since I last blogged. A month to be precise and that's the longest hiatus I've given. I actually do have tonnes of reasons for not being able to blog, read and comment(the complete ritual of a blogger) ,but lets just leave that for some other time. Nevertheless, I'm thrilled you bothered to turn up just the same and read me again. (Actually I'm jumping so high out of glee that I just bumped my head. Wait did I just hear the ceiling crack?) *


Of late I've been relentlessly struggling NOT to suffix or prefix everything I say with the word 'Dude'. No, not food, not doodh...you heard me right, 'dude' ( and to think you always thought that you had weird neighbours).

I admit it does sound stupid, might make me sound like a desperate wannabe from an arbit 1980's American movie. Yeah. Nevertheless, I just can’t seem to fathom why this sudden obsession over the word.
Why dude. Why now.

There was this time in the early 2000's where the semi-hit movie 'Dude, Where's my Car' turned out to be a cult amongst the wannabe-so-cool youth. Dude had then become a word no sentence could do without.

““Dude, where’s my eraser?”
“Ouch, you stepped on my toe, Dude.”
"That is soo cool, dude"

Yeah, we were young and oh-so-hep back then. Then we all grew up .
Well at least some of us did.

And now, its all coming back to me. This time with more feeling.
I’m bitten by the dude-bug all over again and this time, it’s a more of a corporate and matured way of dude-ism.

“Dude, mail the boss and ‘cc’ me.”
“Dude, I’ll be there for the conference call at 7. Count on it”
“Dude, there’s a bug in my tea”
“Dude! Damn!”

Now, with the ‘D’ word being thrown here,there, everywhere, every time, my teammates weren’t particularly comfortable with that, initially.

Ravi was my team's 'dude'(pun intended, maybe) thanks to Yours Truly's fabulous-yet-weird name-keeping skills and of course not to mention, annoying fixation over the word d*de. For quite some time, I saw him rebel relentlessly to do away with the D word.
This innocuous title bestowed upon Ravi stuck on to him over due course of time where he soon became the well acknowledged dude of my team, whether he liked it or not. The ‘ol boy just had to relent.

I mean, initially it was like:

Me (frantically) : Dude!!!!!!! The mainframes are gonna crash…. We'll be hunted down like goats for an explanation and then sacked..and then our families will be stranded in the middle of no where, and it will all be because of this stooped command we issued. We're dead meat dude. We are so dead. Dude!!!!!!! Are you listening??????

Ravi/Dude (Chewing gum): Yeah. Don’t call me Dude.

Me (contorted face): WTF!

And nowadays, its like..

Me(frantically): Dude..!!! Storage says they don't have enough volumes to bring up the system…I’m out of gum…The systems are gonna crash…We'll be hunted down like rabbits (or was it goats?)…Our families will suffer…We'll be devastated and it will all be because of…

Ravi/Dude: Chill dudette. 'Dude' 's got it all under control here. And, did you just say we’re out of gum?

Me(for different reasons): WTF!

So, you see, over a period of time, people have learnt to respond amicably to dude-ism without much of a smirk. Its now a become a way of living. Now who would have thunk eh?

Well, like I always say (well not 'always', but yeah sue me) that’s just how the cookie crumbles. Dude-ism is here to stay and no one in my team could/can stop it. But just to be a bit fair, I’m fighting real hard trying not to start every scrap/mail/chat-session/sentence with dude. But with dudes and dudettes like my teammates who have so warmly welcomed the way of dud-ism into my team (despite Ravi-dude’s relentless efforts), I don’t think I should really try so hard.

Dudes and dudettes are here to stay.

Now isn’t that real groovy?
:D

Bah!

Scenario: 21:10 hrs, Four of us at the Wooden-Tables beside the salad counter, Canteen.


Shyamala's taken a day off today, she's not feeling well (sure, whatever you say lady )
Renu's no where in the scene..she's perhaps decided to stay back at the cubicle and wait for Damu and Subin to take her place (I absolve thee Miss.Paulose)
Surosa has broken her leg and is at home sending us senti-senti friendhip sms'es. Veena 's on call as usual and Krati..well, I just dont know where Krati is.

So,where does that bring me?
Well, it brings me to the wooden tables opposite the Salad Bar at the canteen, with just 3 gentlemen (out of the 10 members at work)- Damu, Subin and Ravi (my precious teamie )

Now, normally these guys are a pleasure to dine with. We'd have a vibrant discussion on multi-farious topics ranging from the intricacies of Vaishnavaite philosophy to Kurt Cobain.

But today's not like that. There's a Cricket match on (or so I discover, from the abominable silence at the table).
My reaction to cricket-matches these days is '*Yawn* Nice... Can you pass me the salt please?'

I witness 40 minutes of silence at the dinner table while these 3 men have their heads tilted at an angle of 45 degrees gazing intently at the telly placed directly on top of my head.

Dinner time at work is very precious and I/we generally treasure every minute of it.
Not that we're made to work like cattle and are facing a severe time crisis at work or anything(Hell no! I love my boss. Well, when there's an appraisal on its way, why wouldn't I?), its just that its the only common time we have to do some friendly bantering and catch up with the chaos in everyone's team. We really enjoy it and we really do look forward to it. I know I do.

Silence at the dinner table? I mean, thats unheard of ..unless one of us was being paid to shut-up or all of us were feeding on our Canteen's special glue...sorry, halwa. Our team wouldn't know silence even if it bit us in our ear.
Today...well, I could have strangled my self and these guys wouldnt have noticed.

Next time theres a match, I'm heading straight to the Salad bar and dining with some of the married ladies there. I'd rather hear them blah-blah nonsense all day long than not have a a single word at dinner.

Men.
Cricket.
Bah!

Its a 'Crazy' night out there

Night!

You know, these timings sort of bring out the worst in you. No wonder God programmed all of us to sleep through this time entirely and wake up when the world is devoid of darkness.
Boy….we have one hellova focused fellow up in the skies, I tell you.

Not an axiom I’m coming up with, but with the exasperating experience I’ve had over the past 4 weeks, I think I’m entitled to form my share of judgment.

Night…There are only 3 things you can, ought to and should be doing at this time.
Sleeping……Studying… and thirdly ,well..I’ll leave that to your imagination (ahem..)But I seriously don’t think ‘work’ ought to come anywhere near this list.

People are like the skies…they turn their shades in the absence of the sun.

Wait, did I say people??

I don’t wish to make a universal statement on the global juntha. I’m not that old-and-wise to comment on Human Behaviour ‘n all.
But comment on myself…yes that I can do very well.
I’m beginning to understand myself better every day….Or, every night.
(Night shifts remember? :D)

Let the unit of measurement of Human-Tension, for this discussion, be….say, Litres.
(Might sound crazy but do bear with me..)

If the average tension level of Yours Truly, on a normal working day, be 40 litres..
Night shifts bring up my tension level to a whooping un-precedented 400 litres.

Profound self assessment over the past few weeks has lead to the final conclusion ….. that, I’m unimaginable crazy under pressure.

The funny part of all this is that…my poor project mate is having to bear the brunt of my flaky temper and eccentric idiosyncrasies.

I end up losing my cool and screaming at him every other day…and also shamelessly apologizing every other day.
Crazy crazy cycle this is .
Amazing patience this fellow has… man!!!!!!!!!


Today, …we had quite a lot of documentation to do. It was around 2:30 am….’n we still had miles left…when I totally lost it..and screamed at this Mr. Fellow for not helping me with the doc’n . This shameless act of loose temper was followed by the customary goofy apology I deliver with great ease. This time with more style and élan.

Our crazy crazy conversation goes something like
this…
(Anyone here feeling that I’m using the word ‘crazy’ more often than not )

Oh well..Koi baat nai…read on


(I walk up to this fellow’s seat)

ME: Ravi..
RAVI(eyes anticipating havoc): Ab Kya?
ME: I’m….I’m….sorry .
RAVI(Non-chalant look): Ya, I know
ME(with over-whelming guilt ): Hey..lots of documents…all unfinished business… all drove me visibly insane.
RAVI(sarcastically): Really? I didn’t notice.
ME(detecting the tint of sarcasm):Ya, Whatever. We’re ok na? Not angry or anything na?
RAVI: Ya ya..go go..do your documentation.
ME(alarmed at his shameless reply yet grateful for not being mistaken ): Ya ok..

And I go on to do documentation at some goddamn time at the middle of the night…while Mr. Fellow, is doing some non-documentation work.

That’s what I call style man.
(Or ishtyle… whatever :D)

Now I sit at home…in front of the lappy, at 5:30 am typing this mail…. Asking myself ….is life, or more specific, work, worth all that tension…and all that apology???

Really…..like what Sahil (my friend,philosopher 'n guide) says…all our problems, in a broader perspective, disintegrate to be minute atoms in the Solar System called Life… So why bother ??
We just have to remember that …In the end, it doesn’t really matter.
(Copyright: Linkin Park)

So…Tension Kai ko lene ka?